EFF YES OF THE WEEK: 02/01/09 – 02/07/09

I find it difficult to stick with one category on my site, so I end up creating new ones. Another new installment I’ve created is the Eff Yes of the Week.

If you know anything about Hollywood, it’s full of superficial douche bags that think they can shit on everyone else they deem as groundlings. It’s my main motivation to move. That and the reason why the state is close to filing for default oh and how we’re going to be paying for a high speed rail system that no one will use and will take 11 years to build oh and how we’re getting IOU’s for tax returns… I could go on but it’s too depressing, even with 74 degree weather.

You can keep your skin cancer.

Now don’t get me wrong. I love a good romp of undisputed douchebaggery, but only when it gets taken too far. I don’t like the half-assed stuff that makes me ponder the quality of life and how some people’s brains are wired. No, I’m talking about over-the-top unchecked aggression here, dude.

If you haven’t heard, you should know. Months ago, on the set of Terminator Salvation, Christian Bale served Shane Hurlbut (who worked with “Terminator Salvation” director McG on “We Are Marshall“) who walked across Bale’s sight-line during a scene.

You can hear what happened here.

(NSFW unless you stamp out license plates in a prison somewhere).

In my honest opinion, this goes full circle from complete douchebaggery to completely awesome. So what does one do with such unabashed explicit language?

You fuckin’ DANCE.

Check out RevoLucian’s Myspace here and get your sexy on.

Go on, let your coworkers hear you support the arts. Don’t trash my scene.

EDIT 2/6 1:11PM: Apparently Christian apologized for “being a punk”. This saddens me. Too many celebrities are apologizing for their actions recently. Why can’t they own up to their own madness? Whatever happened to the geniuses?

Ricky gets a ring side seat to watch Lucy completely obliterate her opponent.

Digg it here: http://digg.com/pets_animals/Cat_Water_Fight

There are some things that shouldn’t have ever happen. Ever. Such terrible things include but not limited to: Cats dressed up like hitler, the movie Beverly Hills Chiuaua, and Jar Jar Binks.

When I received this ad through an email from TiVo, explaining how they’ve completely revolutionized the laziest possible way to order food, I thought to myself, “Sure. I’ll give it a hearty go for the economy.” So I did.

First off, my wife and I have made many a Domino’s pick up and deliveries. We normally get a medium hand tossed pizza with onions, order of chicken kickers, and a garden fresh salad. The total for pick up usually lands us right around the $24 mark. Delivery with tip, I would say around $28 if it’s here under 30 min, $30 if I had a good day or if it’s raining (not because I’m concerned about the driver’s safety but because I love the rain. What. I’ll be honest).

Okay so here we go. Hit the TiVo button. Navigate to the Music, Photos, & Showcases. Alright, Order Domino’s® Pizza Now.

Good. I’m gonna create my own here.

Pick the size and crust, check. 1 pizza, check.

Apparently you can do half orders with ‘left’ or ‘right’. If I order sausage on the left it BETTER be on the fucking left and NOT the right, otherwise that delivery guy ain’t getting a tip. 

Order my fabulous Buffalo Chicken Kickers®.

The wife likes the Garden Fresh Salad.

Okay so what do we got. Mind you, if we ordered this by phone it should be around $24. Medium hand tossed pizza with onions, 10-piece order of chicken kickers, and a garden fresh salad making for a grand total of……..

$30?! WTF!

Is there a convenience charge in there for being completely lazy and avoiding all human interaction?! What’s up with this ‘delivery charge’? So basically what this is telling me is if I wanted to waste $10 on an order I should do it through TiVo and not manhandle a telephone like some beltless peasant. Frankly, if we go pick it up, I think they should pay us instead.

Nice job, TiVo. Way to suck the life out of everything good Domino’s had to offer online.

As a digital retoucher of 9 years, I feel I’ve gotta weigh in on this story – if not just for me, at least for someone else out there with an opinion and a stick to shake. I’m sure there are tons of other Photoshop “experts” out there on every forum and comment system giving advice and slamming reality when they get the chance. I get it, it’s a power trip.

Some comments I’ve seen:

“ugh…..she needs Botox, not only on face, but also…”

“oh oh, you’ve found the crypt vault.”

“what she needs is a bottle of vicodin and a double barrel shotgun. she could use her female hyena stlye mock penis to pull the trigger.”

Sure, I can be a fan of knocking celebrities down a peg if that makes you feel better about yourself whilst entertaining, but there comes a point where insults go unwarranted for the circumstances. Madonna is 50. She’s led an unusual life as an entertainer and pushes her time and energy to a degree most people can’t fathom. I’m no fan of hers, but I’m understanding as to how or why her looks are just that – and for her age, you gotta admit that she’s in decent shape with minor cosmetic surgery.

All preliminary left brain analysis aside… WTF ARE YOU DOING!!!

Seriously, you’re not in your 20s anymore… stop it. And given the economy, this is not the best way for you to sell sex. Maybe giving it away would work better in your situation. The only one who can help you now are digital retouchers to create a false reality for everyone else so you can continue your glamourous career as a national product. It would be nice to see, how can I put this.. less skin and face? I don’t know who the photographer or assistants were on this shoot but the lighting is terribad, and don’t get me started on the stylist or any of your reps that approved these outfits and ‘look’.

Whether this is a publicity stunt of new heights or a serious photo faux pas, it’s garnered attention from everyone on the nets, including me. Being the photo sabotager that I am, I can say I’ve had my fair share of miracles to perform on models, but they’re not 50 trying to look 25 and sexy.

Dear Paris Hilton,

Thanks for the job security.

Bryan

(Photos courtesy of theblemish.com. See more photos here.)